disconnect, connect, repeat.

when does the cycle end?

quarantined and kept.

i keep counting the days on my hands,fingers,and toes.

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

don't worry baby

i caught the tail end of the drew barrymore romantic comedy "never been kissed" while lying on the couch a little while ago.
growing up, i spent a good amount of my time as a teenager babysitting twin girls so that i could take a three week trip to france. and switzerland with my french class(it was an amazing trip, but i dont like to remember bits of it)
while the babies slept, i spent a good chunk of time watching 80s horror flicks, and romantic comedies.
anyway, what i meant to say is that even though its a super cheesy movie, it's been a favorite since i first saw it.
i can relate to josie gellar(drew barrymore) spending most of my childhood being teased by boys and not really relating to the girls i was friends with other than by being friends.
the ending of the movie is my favorite-- the beach boys' "don't worry baby" starts playing when drew's beau shows up at the baseball field. such a cute ending.
here's a video of random clips of the beach boys with the same song playing.






i had a hard time yesterday while wandering around brooklyn for a few hours. i never thought i'd say or do this but i got upset when i had to head back to my home on LI. i miss my real home in clinton hill tremendously.

strange daze

i've made it a priority to ride my bike every day.
i did 2 miles today, looks like it may be 3 tomorrow.
i miss my friends tremendously.
i am going to visit caroline on saturday at built by wendy.
i've been trying to get better, i have been taking classes in meditation as well as stress management...
i try to talk to germs, patty,& ian, and caroline once or twice a week.
i miss toby and holly too much. ive been terrible at communicating my thoughts with loved ones
and its harder than it sounds. ive started and stopped piles of letters because i dont know
how to relate to anyone anymore. i hope that i dont lose those friendships.
i am currently trying to be the best person i can be so that i wont have to be in terrible situations ever again.
i might look for a new place with caroline for january.
its still strange in clinton hill, it's almost like she's still there.
i think about amelia every day.
and vinny too.(he passed away in august and was my favorite art teacher and best friend during my high school years..he taught me how to fly, paint, and open up to different mediums and was my aspiration to go to SVA bc he had gone there 20 years prior..)
i miss you, i love you.

the point! 1971, Harry Nilsson

i'm reposting this because i think everyone should see it at least twice in their lives...

harry nilsson's the point!

i'm on fire.

i spent a good portion of a late night over the weekend reading through my livejournal
circa 04-06'. i didnt realize how unhappy i sounded until i read it.
four years ago i was boy crazy, a hopeless romantic and super lonely despite being surrounded
by amazing,wonderful people.

i kind of am to blame for losing touch. rather i AM to blame for it.
once SVA started i detached myself from my loving family of friends so
that i could pursue my prospects as a painter.
i definitely am proud of my work ethic in regards to studio practice.
i realized this january that i tried to reconnect with my old friends and
it only brought me substance abuse and more loneliness.
i know who my friends are and at this particular moment in mylife
i am back in my parent's house trying to clear up some baggage.
i miss my semi "old" life, but i know that it isnt too far away.


heres the link to the lj if you have a little bit of time and like
reading whiny 21yr old girls cry for attention.
http://stars-sang-loud.livejournal.com/

bittersweet and happy bits.

i had it all




anxiety attack

http://the-artists.org/artistsblog/posts/st_content_001.cfm?id=2533

i hate this medication...

for dorie

back in may when i was hospitalized for exhaustion among other things,
my two best girls toby and holly (they started a band called 'feather & folly' and told me i could guest star on some of their upcoming songs) wrote me a song aptly titled 'for dorie'
they sang and performed it over the phone for me while i was at eastern LI hospital.
its a sweet little ditty.
here are the lyrics below..

do you know how much i need you
do you know about how i care about you
do you know about how much i love you,
if you did you'd be here too.
do you know about how much i like you
do you know about how much i care about you
do you know about how much i love you,
if you did you'd be here too.
do you know about how much we need you
do you know about how much we love you,
if you did you'd be here too
do you know about how much the sun likes you
do know how much the moon likes you, too
do you know about how much the weather likes you,
if you did you'd be here too.

this is one of my absolute favorite movie scenes of all time

Your friends have voted on your strengths and weaknesses:

STRENGTHS:

craziest
person with the best taste in music
most creative

WEAKNESSES:

person with the best sense of humor
coolest

these days my friends arrive on planes

oneinamelia

amelia geocos was one of my best friends. we knew each other for about three years and were close for the last two of those. i can't really describe her as well as i like to and im probably going to be working on this post or adding more posts about her as time goes on. in the meantime, i found some photos, a video piece she did and i added a high places song because she and i both love h.p quite a bit. amelia was struck and killed by a van while riding her bike around 48th and 49th streets on 1st ave on saturday july 11th,2008. friday afternoon was spent going through her belongings and helping her family pack them up. it was suh a surreal experience. i loved her deeply and she was one of my heroes in the art and natural world. we had our ups and downs but i shall never forget the endless roof parties, dancing, laughing,and creating that was involved. you will be missed, and you are loved always amelia.
love,
dorie

the fairest of the seasons,i heart karen kilimnik

and i miss toby.

thank you,vice

http://www.viceland.com/int/dd.php?id=1414

a mad hairy cow is not one to trifle with

so goes the narrator of planet earth...

 they just showed the mama and her two children struggling through the arctic.

i always get a little heartbroken when the solo polar bear gets to the family

of walruses and fails miserably and dies of starvation. 

it makes me cry everytime.

i just received the casio sk-1 in the mail. it's missing a key

but a ten dollar board to play with is always delightful. 

paris hilton just slipped on the steps for the umpteenth time 

on EXTRA. i'd love to see her with a new nose. kidding.

i fibbed, JULY 1ST!!!!

So much sooner. 

so stoked. 

hope to see familiar and not so familiar faces soon!

JULY 1ST

AUGUST FIRST

I'll be back in brooklyn. i look soo soo sooooo forward to seeing a lot of faces i haven't seen since april. soo excited.

and having my best friend germs and sarah in the apartment during july will be rad.

 pink reason and psychedelic horseshit playing on july 4th is awesome.

random mix # 2

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

1.casiotone for the painfully alone (instrumental)--off the cd comp that accompanied david horvitz' xiu xiu polaroid tour book 

2. 'back in the ussr' the beatles

3. 'we like the cars that go boom' le tigre

4. 'fantasia' giorgio moroder (neverending story,american soundtrack version)

5. 'DARE' gorillaz

6. 'marmalade fires' mum

7. 'the early 80's' times new viking

8. 'the gleam' the microphones

9. 'quarantined' atlas sound

10. 'dumb one'

11. 'violent meditations' e*rock

12. 'the body breaks'

13. 'it was four!' the peppermints

14.'hieronymous bosch is a dead man' the mae shi

15. 'polio' pterodactyl

16. 'one fine day' the chiffons

17. 'penpal picnic' bad waste aka RAD Taste.

this is just a random mix that my ipod spewed last night during the torrential downpour and lightning storm that ensued after i got my keychain from NA for 30 days clean (actually, its been 43 DAYS!!! be proud. i am. but im not going to kiss jesus over it. NA is more fun than AA because there are people there my age its smaller and a little less intimidating to say hello to people there)

i was the only person dumb enough to drive to the bay during the massive storm last night and i sat in my car watching the lightning and i have to say that lightning storms at the beach are pretty breathtaking. 

i'll post more stuff when  i can later. for now. i leave you with the imagined thought of limahl singing rap and techno versions of lilly allen songs..now wouldnt that be something?

i've been on long island for about six weeks now.

 drug free too. i don't want to preach or make anyone

feel bad or worry. i'm just spending time away 

 to make my parents worry less about some of

the negative influences i had been surrounded by while

doing my business on a  daily basis in the brooklyn area.

long island is peaceful and often dead in comparison to the life

 i had and where i'd love to be back in bk..

 i miss death by audio the way a kid at summer camp misses their treefort,

their secret hiding place full of secrets,treasures and dear friends. 

 i anticipate being back around august. in the meantime i'll try and post more often

on this thing. and id love comments or notes if anyone wants to send them my way.

thank you,facebook

 

  your friends have voted on your strengths and weaknesses:

  

      STRENGTHS:

 

      most likely to succeed

       best room-mate

       craziest

  WEAKNESSES:

 person with the best sense of humor

  coolest